amusements for existential boredom

first, as blogging is very much finished and nobody reads blogs unless it contains emotional vomit, sex, and how to grow your hair faster, at this point i can also write whatever i like. and as my favorite woman, Lena Dunham said: I don't give a shit about anything, yet I simultaneously have opinions about everything. second, i have reached a new level of life - boredom and eternal loneliness. truly, as i am usually preoccupied with the excellent company of myself and other five to six people in my head, paranoia, sadness, lonesomeness, silent hysteria, and fantasies that will never come true, cause if it was to happen, i would be the one to suffer the most. i have finally, after months of reopening this unfinished article, put together all my favorite emotionally abusive books and series. happy easter to you all, i hope you have all solid cry (for help) cheers.

here is my list of things to read, to listen and to do. the list on things to do is short: it is drugs.

i am not gonna go again all about A LITTLE LIFE. i mean, if you read this blog and follow me on instagram, you know, i do love this book. just bear in mind, you should be mentally stable to read this. not like me, spending one year obsession about how much it hurt me and what a rush it has been.

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME. as i finished the book and the movie right after, i could stop myself from crying while watching one of the last scenes when Elio’s father has a heartbreaking monologue about suppressing emotions through our lives. the book was much better than the movie but this scene made the movie worth a while. i have seen it several times in a row as i have reread passages of the book over and over again, it is that kind of book one just wants to be soaked in. it is a novel with a feeling of the heartbreaking poem.

it is not just how well it is written and how sensual the book was (seriously, it is hot), it was the flow of feelings that described the beauty of one's love.

when i read these books and they make me feel as they do, i truly do wish everybody finds their way towards literature as it is the window to the knowledge of our own emotions. they open these rooms of our minds we hardly think of, as we rather suppress it. we are taught pain and sorrow should be shut down. but reading in general, intentionally searching for it in literature, makes one realize it is the pain and sorrow that elevates towards better tomorrows.

finally, after several recommendations, forever starting, i have read WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES. and yes, now i am that type of woman who asks questions like: have you read this? please do so. i can be only friends with you if you read this book. it took me long time to finish it and i have read the other three books along with it, mainly because i was making notes, writing my thoughts down and rereading several stories to grasp the most out of it. so even if you are a man, be that kind of man to read this book.

THE ELEGANCE OF THE HEDGEHOG. i would even dare to say, this was the best book i read last year. what a beautiful writing style. marvelous thoughts and amazing story. my dear friend adelka recommended this to me, she was also the first one to tell me about A LITTLE LIFE, two years ago. and as usual she was right, both books worth the time and space in your mind.

ALL ABOUT LOVE. i am succer for all books talking and analysing love. it is like reading about your favorite torture discipline. how to and how not to. this one is special. i have written all about it here. disclaimer, this is not esoteric book.

both books by SALLY ROONEY. normal people and conversations with friends. it seems the reading world is separated in four groups - those who like and dislike sally rooney. and those who prefer one or the other book. i am the liking sally rooney going with team of normal people. i still recommended the beautiful BBC series exactly as the book NORMAL PEOPLE. i have also finished the mr. salary short story, did not get it, but it was nice to read something fresh from her.

LETTERS TO A YOUNG POET, because of rilke and no more words needed.

EDUCATED. the instagram book of this year. i wasn't as amazed as the rest of the world, but i still think it is good book to read for several reasons - one is education and how disgraceful we sometimes are towards it. 

patti smith YEAR OF THE MONKEY. i have read only JUST KIDS by Patti, and i loved it. year of the monkey was exactly five years ago and i was reading this when the American elections were going on, with patti smith describing the horrors of donald trump winning that time. she talks a lot about all the people she lost through her life, yet the book didn't make me sad neither for second.

WRITERS&LOVERS by lily king. this resonated a lot as it is about a girl who struggles with life, love and writing. i am in mood just for novels recently, so if you find yourself sick of non-fiction, go get it.

MY YEAR OF REST AND RELAXATION by Ottessa Moshfegh, even the cover looks like chilled book, right? well, it is not. it is slightly psychopathic. made me think of one year of forced hibernation for myself. to change me to be a better person whatever that means in this world.

DRIVE YOUR PLOW OVER THE BONES OF THE DEAD by Olga Tokarczuk. i have given myself homework to read more of nobel price winners. this one is by polish author and as much as i do not enjoy detective stories, i enjoyed the style of writing as something completely new and refreshing.

WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING by Delia Owens, i will hardly ever forget the Marsh Girl after this. what a beautiful story. i was shaking while reading it, made me crave for more books like this. the story completely sucked me in and i couldn't stop. i am very into novels this year, another one to read is A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW and ACTS OF DESPERATION, even though with Megan Nolan book i am not sure i dig the story, as much as i like her way of expressing her pain and abusive relationship with a man-child and a narcissist. 

and lastly, i was in need of magic and escape from the real world completely and i am rereading Harry Potter, now i am on the book four and my loves, this is my last recommendation for books in here if you truly do have enough of this shitty shitty society full of self-involved people.

now, watching HIGH FIDELITY, the series made me watch the movie, which is much better, but i will take both, because there is nothing better to watch anyway. i mean, this is about breakups and the best music ever produced.

do yourself a favor and watch MODERN LOVE, the series based on a column published in The New York Times, mostly about love. 

and! last but not least, FLEABAG! i cannot stress this enough, because this got topped to my TOPS of love stories, heart-breaks, favorite characters, favorite series, favorite quotes, and new role model. i have seen the last episode already twice, as for today in the morning, when i had a very good cry over the song This Feeling by Alabama Shakes. this was a gift to myself from myself to not to hate last three months exponentially and aggressively (as ridiculusly aggressive i can be) and everybody in my life. because people do make mistakes. and i truly do wish nobody ever feels alone with those mistakes, it is the endless pit of lonesomeness and self-destruction. fleabag is a silver lining to this. to all of us. 

and lastly, i have found my spirti band - THE BETA BAND, i cannot relate more right now than to this band, their philosophy and in general, not being famous at all, but producing the greatest music just by being themselves. as i notice in the article HERE for NME, they seem like a bunch of assholes insulting everybody and taking drugs. and the music is pure gold.

let's find each other on SPOTIFY, so i can judge you for the hideous music you people listen to.

and also on GOODREADS, so i can judge you even better.

dobrý den, a teď si to dáme v češtině. další z věcí na seznamu, co dělat, když není co dělat, jsou podcasty.

moje stálice jsou samozřejmě jsou:

GIRLCAST PODCAST od SuziFromTheBlog, když je možnost Zuzka mi dělá společnost při práci, jelikož vás nejen namotivuje, ale i uklidní, ať už hupsnete na jakoukoliv episodu.

TÉMY EMY  od Emy Muller, občas se malinko na instagramu emy ztracim, ale nemůžu si pomoct a nesledovat to. podcast je ale láska. krátké, úderné texty. miluji.

VYLEŤ Z HNÍZDA od Terky Hrubý pokud vám už chybí cestování. já si bohužel asi tak dva dny nazpátek uvědomila, že už ano. už bych vyleťela. jen na otočku. ne z lisabonu. chraň bůh. a s tím se pojí i to, že na tomto podcastu najdete i moji episodu o Lisabonu.

hezký poslech!

a protože k českým knížkám mám stále přístup díky albatrosmedia.cz, chystám se i načíst konečně všechno od zibury, protože cestování.